Now that the vaccine is rolling out and some people are getting it, I have been thinking about all of the different feelings going around about the access to the COVID vaccine. Mostly, we all want it, and we want it now. We are happy and grateful that the frontline workers are finally protected, and yet, so many of us are anxious about when it will be our turn and how we can get in line.
There is envy, anger, hope, fear, entitlement, guilt, anxiety … all rolled up together. I have friends who have told me they have gotten their first dose, and I am happy for them. Some wish they could have waited and offered their dose to a family member instead.
Then I have acquaintances who are posting their photos on Facebook, holding up their little squares of paper showing they are vaccinated. My reaction to this sharing is confusing — I wonder why they are so proud of having something that we all want. Much like saying “I won the prize and you can’t have any,” not yet and no idea really when.
I heard a story of an 85-year-old woman who has an appointment for her vaccine in New York for April 15, and my cousin in Washington, D.C. who is 68 and got her first dose in the beginning of January. She was able to go online and catch an appointment before they were all taken in two minutes.
It is such an American thing, like entering a lottery, trying over and over again, with no clear plan. Every state has different rules and different access. My hope is that there becomes a coherent national response, where we all feel like things are fair and timely. Remembering that nothing can change until nearly all of us get vaccinated, and that we are all in this together. A combination of joy for those that are protected and concern for those who are waiting, with the emphasis on excellent communication from the public health sector.
Continuing to wear masks, social distance, and get tested as we all patiently or impatiently wait our turn. It is a lot to ask. I, along with so many others, have COVID fatigue. I don’t want to wait, yet I want a fair distribution of the vaccine.
We find ourselves fractured, caught between what we want and fairness to all. We are exhausted not just from COVID but by the recovery of living through the trauma of the past administration’s failures to keep us all safe. I believe that we are being called to be clear about what we’re feeling and express our concerns with patience and understanding.
This is a time for healing, not just from the pandemic but from the onslaught on the very foundations of our life. It’s a time to reach out to others in everything we do with compassion, for the way out of this chaos is through our connection with others.
Jamie Yost is a resident of Northfield.