It might be easier — and far less stressful – to tune out and turn off all the noise of the day’s news and headlines than to stay up-to-the-moment with all the craziness that circles around and often within us. Who of us hasn’t felt some sense of despair (for at least a moment) that things might change for the better? Tracking all the goings-on emanating out of Washington and many state capitols or any of the many international hot spots is now a full-time occupation, if not an obsession, and it is becoming impossible to hold on to every bite of news.
But “easy” is not the way to go – if we do “easy,” we just get left behind, lose touch with whatever sordid realities matter to us, and our agency and urgency simultaneously diminish. Daily, I receive reminders on my phone, through my computer, and friendly reminders from peers, neighbors, and colleagues not to let go, not to give up, and do this or that, offer this or that, join this or that. Of course, it’s virtually impossible to volunteer or financially support or write and sign all the letters and postcards I am asked to do daily. But, I do feel it is imperative to do something constructive and meaningful given our politics, each and every day.
The question that continues to find its way to my heart, head, soul, and psyche is – how can I move forward proactively while also protecting my sanity, mental and physical health, and sense of work/life balance and equanimity? This is a vexing question, and I’ve come to see that there are no formulas, equations, or platitudes that will work to keep me in a positive state of mind and being. I imagine that most of us who have committed to doing activist political change work have had to deal with this same concern.
The needs in our country and the world writ large are incessant, urgent, and ever-increasing. Yet, we all need to rest, to restore ourselves and lean into other important aspects of our lives. Learning to be satisfied – even gratified – with what we can each do and accomplish on a daily and weekly basis is definitely a steep curve. There is always more to do – outreach, letters, phone calls, responses to folks writing in or otherwise connecting, as well as attending meetings, stand-outs … on and on.
So, I continue to query myself and my equally diligent friends: how do we find and maintain any semblance of balance with all this craziness becoming increasingly brazen – not only on our horizon, but, potentially, down the street or next door. I am readily aware that I need “down time,” even some solitude, to bring the requisite energies and attention that is required of me to move my and our community’s agenda forward. Using Joe Biden’s quote, in order to “build back better,” I must start from within.
And I wrestle with this. What’s a good cut-off point for today? Is there any way to say “no” or “not now” to the many requests that find their way to me? It is important to me to let go of “things” and indicate my limit/s with gentleness, kindness, and respect. Along with finding it within myself to take personal time, I also find that I will have more and better focus and energy to get with friends, family, my two fantastic grandkids, and personal hobbies and projects, including daily exercise, meditation, solitude in my garden, and whatnot. Holding off on “there’s always more to do” is even more difficult without feeling any guilt, remorse, or concern that “if not now, then when?”
Safety and sanity are precious. I find that they are harder to find and hold onto now than at any other point in my still-somewhat-young life. I am not rigid about my time in/time out boundaries, but I must be respectful of my needs and wants, and those of the people I care most about near and far. Sometimes I find that I ask too little for myself, or from others, or too much from myself, and feel burdened and/or burned out when I am out of balance. Then, it becomes critical to pull back into myself a bit and re-order my priorities. Surely, I am not the only being out there who struggles with this; somehow putting it into words helps for me to give more structure, organization, latitude, and flexibility into my life and world.
The asking of these questions is healing in several ways. For one, it’s an abbreviated time out from all the doing; for another it helps me to reflect on both the complexities and finding simplicity in life. Questions also serve to help address what is indeed most meaningful at any given moment, and doing so helps one to stay in touch within and beyond oneself. Occasionally, I will remind myself that the most important aspect in my life – first and foremost, but never stated on a resume or CV – is that I am a human “being” and not a human “doing.” That reminder is usually something that helps me to settle down and settle into myself just a tad bit. more deeply. Then, I am more apt to be ready for whatever is next.
Daniel Cantor Yalowitz writes a regular column in the Recorder. A developmental and intercultural psychologist, he has facilitated change in many organizations and communities around the world. His two most recent books are “Journeying with Your Archetypes” and “Reflections on the Nature of Friendship.” Reach out to him at danielcyalowitz@gmail.com.