I deeply value every human being’s journey toward living as their authentic self. In essence, that means being true to who we are at our core. As best-selling author Brené Brown writes, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” Perhaps this is one of our most profound tasks in life – shedding what no longer fits and growing steadily into greater authenticity. What a powerful and meaningful path to walk. Are you with me?
Understanding gender from the inside out
Human development is incredibly complex. We each come into the world with a unique blueprint. Both gender identity (the deep sense of being male, female, both, neither, or somewhere in between) and sexual anatomy at birth are part of that blueprint. For many, as early as age 3 to 7, there’s an inner knowing – that who they are inside doesn’t match how they appear on the outside. So, what’s going on?
We often assume that gender is determined by one’s physical anatomy but the story begins long before that. In the womb, the body and brain follow their own rhythms of development. First, genes and hormones like testosterone and estrogen shape the body’s physical traits. Later, those same hormones greatly influence the brain, helping to form the sense of who we are gender-wise. Sometimes, the timing, amount, or way the brain responds to these hormones means the brain’s sense of gender doesn’t match the body’s traits. Therefore, people can be born with the physical characteristics of one gender, yet grow up knowing themselves as another. This is simply one of the many natural variations in the way humans develop.
It’s about authenticity
The journey of transitioning is about authenticity, courage, and becoming the fullest version of who one is. How a person experiences their gender identity is not a choice. As noted above, the brain’s understanding of gender doesn’t always match the body someone is born with. This experience is very real, deeply felt, and supported by growing science.
More than one path
Every person transitioning takes the steps that feel right for them. Some choose hormone treatment or surgery, while others don’t. Reasons vary – health, finances, access, safety, or simply not feeling the need to change their body in order to be themselves. Some may choose certain surgeries without taking hormones, depending on the procedure. For others, transition is entirely social, involving changes like name, pronouns, clothing, and presentation. Transitioning – whether socially, hormonally, or surgically – can bring immense relief, allowing someone to live more fully as the person they’ve always known themselves to be.
Based on the 2024 Census Bureau’s estimate that about 2.3 million U.S. adults identify as transgender – and using rates from the 2022 U.S. Transgender Survey – about 25% (roughly 575,000) have received both hormone treatment and surgery; 31% (about 713,000) have received hormone treatment only; 4% (around 92,000) have undergone surgery only; and 40% (about 920,000) have not had medical treatment but have transitioned socially. (These figures are rounded and based on surveys, so different studies may report slightly different numbers.)
The joys of transition
Many transgender people describe a profound sense of joy, freedom, and self-love when they can live in full alignment with who they truly are. Transitioning often brings relief, ease, and the confidence to show up fully in the world – sparking the feeling so many express as, “I finally feel like myself.” With this authenticity comes the ability to form deeper connections and find partners who embrace them for all of who they are. For those who have spent years hiding or doubting themselves, being loved exactly as they are can be profoundly healing. For every human being, isn’t this what we’re all after – to feel at home within ourselves?
Differences need to be honored
Because we live in a world where differences are not always honored, we can ask ourselves: “What can I do to help create a more inclusive world – one where everyone feels safe to show up fully as themselves and where differences aren’t judged as ‘wrong?’” My answer: Stay open-minded and supportive. Practice acceptance of people who are different from you. I’m cheering you on to keep learning and expanding your heart, knowing we are all a part of the human family. Let’s keep the conversation going. Let’s talk relationships – in all their beautiful diversity.
Amy Newshore is a couples therapist/coach who earned her Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Antioch New England University and went on to train in the Developmental Model for Couples Therapy along with Non-violent Communication which serve as the foundation of her work as a Relationship Coach. For more information visit her website at www.coachingbyamy.com.