Our society — our nation — has turned inside out and upside down over these past 10 years, and it’s well beyond time to reverse field and make a major turnabout. Beyond all the derogatory name-calling, obfuscation, and at-large insults that have been spewed since Donald Trump rebirthed himself as a political entity, we desperately need to find an antidote to the caustic blasts that seem to come all day and all night long.
We are born with hearts that can and do work, and these hearts are capable of love and compassion. This is a special attribute among our unique human idiosyncrasies, and one that can recreate a positive legacy … if we so choose. And now it’s time to practice using these beating hearts and challenging ourselves — all of us — to redeem our humanity as a collective and collaborative species. Let’s stop victimizing ourselves and one another. All people matter, and so, too, does the language we use when interacting and communicating with one another. Media and myself included!
For too long, public and civic discourse has degenerated, deteriorating to a level we have never before experienced. It is still within all of us to find another way to engage. Mudslinging simply begets itself, and down we go from there. We think, and we say, and we share that everyone but us is at fault — the proverbial “other side.” And so, we demonize them, categorize them, dismantle them and whatever decency and humanity they may still have and hold.
Most of us in our western Massachusetts catchment area believe that the reds/conservatives/ Republicans/MAGA (or otherwise) are to be blamed and are at fault for everything happening in today’s headlines. Those in these cohorts tend to feel and speak the reverse. The epithets, curses, and ugly language that we hear daily only brings us more negativizing. No amount of analysis or interpretation is going to make a difference here. We somehow must find, adopt, and adapt a new approach to thinking about human interactions based on calling forth our higher and highest selves: a far cry from what the daily headlines scream.
The degradation and dehumanization of so many individuals and groups isolates us from one another in the worst ways. “Calling others out,” including shouting down, insulting, finding fault — all forms of public embarrassment and shaming — has forced too many (individuals, groups, systems, institutions) to either withdraw into silence or fight back in escalation. Is there another way? There is another way. Many other ways. What’s happening isn’t working for anyone; we’re all struggling, miserable, angry, put off, and unhappy. What if we adopted John Lennon’s iconic song of peace, “Imagine,” as our new national anthem? Well: that’s not going to happen, but imagine how that might change the rhetoric! Rather than scraping the bottom of the word barrel to call out, hurt, and harass, what if we found and chose to use language that helps others to feel heard, accepted, and understood? Such a world is possible — it’s simply and profoundly ours to choose and remake.
What is “calling in?” For one thing, it’s not about demonizing others — much the opposite! When we call others “in,” our intention and determination is to bring others together by helping them to feel included as members of a group. As such, doing so helps to secure and protect their individual and group identities, thus helping to assure that they will be safe and out of harm’s way. This has both physical and psychological manifestations.
Being called in is a net positive that means others are noticing you, paying attention to you, and that they have your back. Folks who formerly felt like outsiders now have the opportunity to be part of something bigger than themselves that is meaningful. We’re focusing here on being “called in” to an activity, event, or experience that enhances one’s sense of self; therefore it becomes a self-esteem enhancer and community-builder. And those doing the calling in are making a gesture of friendship, connection, and inclusion. People on both sides — those calling and those called — are, in effect, becoming one unit from what had been two or more distinct and segregated entities.
When we choose to call others in, we are eschewing the negatives that are part and parcel of calling out culture. Harshness becomes gentleness. Locked out becomes coming in. Isolation becomes inclusion. At a time when so many of us feel on the outside — angry, outraged, even despondent — that great word, “hope” represents a change of attitude, behavior, and language. Like most other things in life, it’s a word-by-word, sentence-after-sentence transition, allowing us to experience kinder and more caring, one person and one interaction at a time. So, as we try to “break ICE,” let’s also determine that we can each break the ice and tune into the real needs and wants of others. This does not mean we must sacrifice ourselves to support those who are “other” to (or different from) us to join in and become an integral part of something meaningful.
Daniel Cantor Yalowitz, Ed.D., writes a regular column for the Recorder. He in an intercultural and developmental psychologist in private practice in Greenfield. His most recent book, “Creating the Intercultural Field: Legacies from the Pioneers,” was released in mid-January through Palgrave MacMillan Publishers. Former chair of the Greenfield Human Rights Commission, Dr. Yalowitz writes about issues focused on human and civil rights, human values, and his ongoing commitment to create a better world for us all. Reach out to him at danielcyalowitz@gmail.com.