BUCKLAND — Remember when the only “social media” in the house was a land-line telephone?
Much as parents back then might have complained about how long their teenagers talked on the phone, they had it easy: They probably knew who their child was talking to and for how long. And maybe parents overheard enough to know when a phone conversation was inappropriate. But today’s parents don’t have it that easy with “smart” phones and the plethora of social networking sites like Facebook or Snapchat that children are using.
“Have conversations with your kids about what they’re doing online,” says Laurie Loisel, director of community outreach and education for the Northwest District Attorney’s Office. “Talk to them about what’s not safe to share online, talk to them about privacy settings and that people aren’t always what they seem to be online.”
And when it comes to texting while driving, Loisel warns parents not to “model” that bad behavior when it comes to their own driving. Loisel spoke recently for about 90 minutes to a group of parents from the Mohawk Trail Regional School District. She encouraged them to have age-appropriate talks with their children about social media, and to listen “without judgment” to help children learn for themselves the best way to use such tools.
Loisel said there are strategies to help young people be safer online. For families whose children don’t share what they do online, there are apps that can block certain sites, or monitor family use, so that parents can set screen time limits. “But kids today — it’s like they were born with this (technology) information right at their fingertips,” she said. “If you’re trying to block them, they will find a way around it.”
“You can’t say: ‘No. You’re not going on social media until you’re 18,” she said.
Strategies to help kids make better choices include teaching them that a social media post can be forever — someone can even make a screen shot or photo of a posting that is later deleted — so they should think twice before saying something out of anger. Also, she said, a snarky remark made online is more public and can lead to bigger misunderstandings.
“They spend a lot more time (online) than we did at their age. Especially in rural communities, where you can’t walk to your friends’ houses,” said Loisel. “That’s how they are socializing.”
A recent nationwide survey points out the paradox of social media benefits and pitfalls, she said: It strengthens relationships with friends and family, but diminishes face-to-face communication.
She said many things shared on social media are inspiring, but social media may also cause depression “in those kids stuck in a loop of isolation.”
“It makes some kids feel closer and yet, others feel left out and isolated.”
For some children, the perfect photos of others make them feel inadequate or imperfect, so it’s helpful to remind them that photos can create an ideal image that may not be accurate.
Mohawk middle and high school students are allowed to use their smart phones between classes and during lunch, but not during their classes, Co-principal Lynn Dole said.
She said a lot of thought was put into the social media policy, since many families want their children to have phones, for safety reasons. If the school didn’t allow it, kids would be using their phones in locked bathroom stalls, she said.
Loisel said Hatfield developed a “Wait Until Eight” campaign to prevent kids from having access to cell phones until they reach eighth grade. If no kids had access, there would be less pressure to get a phone.
Besides the dangers of online predators, sexting “is considered a normal part of a relationship now,” Loisel said. “About 13 percent of kids are sexting.”
One thing children should be taught is to never send nude photos of themselves, said Loisel. According to a group discussion of teens about this subject, students said the reasons kids sext is out of curiosity, peer pressure, as a way to show you trust your boyfriend/girlfriend, as a form of validation, and as a way to be intimately connected.
Dole said the school tries to fend off the negative uses of social media by teaching students digital literacy and education about how permanent posting is. They also talk about “refusal skills” and a student’s ability “to make informed decisions in their lives.” She said telling a student “You can just say no,” is better than telling them “don’t do it” — because then they will feel controlled by you.”
Loisel gave parents a list of websites to help them discuss “cybersensibility.” They include: Common Sense Media (www.commonsensemedia.org); Netsmartz (National Center for Missing and Exploited Children: wwwnnetsartz.org/Sexting); and Online Sense (Onlinesense.org).