“Reflections on the Nature of Friendship” by Daniel Cantor Yalowitz; Independently published
Friendship is something we tend to take for granted. All of us have friends to one degree or another. Nevertheless, we don’t tend to analyze our relationships with them, let alone the role that friendships play in our life.
Daniel Cantor Yalowitz spent much of the COVID-19 pandemic contemplating the emotions and negotiations that go into friendship. Yalowitz is an educator and psychologist who lives in Greenfield.
The result of his contemplation is the book “Reflections on the Nature of Friendship.”
In this work, Yalowitz discusses many facets of friendship: our need for it, the emotional dance between self and other, the nature of intimacy, the ways in which our friendships (like our lives) are both rooted in and transcendent of time, and much more.
Perhaps most interestingly, he documents different types of friendships by describing the arcs of three different bonds with important people in his life.
These include a relationship with a foreign student, who taught him as much as he taught her; an evolving relationship with a young boy to whom he acted as a big brother and who has now grown up; and a more-or-less peer relationship with a man of similar background and age to the author himself.
The chapters that discuss these friendships are a sort of extension of the book’s theme. They come across as efforts by the author to extend an offer of friendship to the reader by sharing his own experiences and emotions.
Based on my own experience of friendship, I don’t entirely agree with all of the qualities Yalowitz seems to ascribe to true friendship. I will never be emotionally vulnerable enough to cry in front of other people — an act he describes as a breakthrough in many friendships — unless it’s at a movie.
Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned, the book does its work. In the introduction, Yalowitz describes his book to the reader as “an opportunity for you: a chance to review, reflect and respond to your own reactions” on the topic of friendship.
As I read, I thought about close friendships I have enjoyed in the past and relish in the present: the give and take of conversation and confidence, the careful negotiation of personal boundaries, the ways in which these relationships have enriched my life.
During the recent shut down, and even now as we cautiously get together, friends have entertained me, encouraged me, and sustained me.
As I move forward, I want to try to make sure that I give as much to each friend as I receive. I would not have made this resolution had I not read Yalowitz’s book.
Daniel Yalowitz will talk about his book and sign copies for interested parties on Tuesday, July 26, at 1:30 p.m. at the John Zon Community Center in Greenfield. Membership in the senior center is not necessary to attend, but pre-registration is required. To sign up, call 413- 772-1517, extension 0.
The book may also be purchased directly from the author at danielyalowitz.com or by emailing danielcyalowitz@gmail.com.
Tinky Weisblat is an award-winning author and singer. Her next book will be “Pot Luck: Random Acts of Cooking.” Visit her website, TinkyCooks.com.