My Dear Readers, I am replacing humor in this month’s column with some tips on how to maintain and deepen family connections. More important to me than golf, the Red Sox, Dylan, or the daily NYT Spelling Bee, family is the cornerstone of my life. And by family, I mean my wife and three grown children, their partners and five grandchildren, my siblings and spouses, and their 11 children, who have 9 spouses and 10 grandkids — a total of 51 of us.
Fifty-one is a big number, with ages ranging from 76 to 1. Although all of us have never gathered in one place, several times a year, over 30 to 40 of us get together for certain events. Now I admit that we are incredibly fortunate in that every single adult in our family holds similar political beliefs. Yes, it’s almost miraculous that we uniformly despise the current administration. But this is not the glue that holds us together.
As in all large families, we have different senses of humor, varied interests and differing personalities. Yet, we keep in touch and truly enjoy the times we spend together.
Here are a few ways we maintain close connections:
Family Newsletter: In 1991, my dad typed a one-page “Stamell News Letter” and mailed it to his five children. Every three months since that initial mailing, we have published the S.N.A.I.L (Stamell News and Information Letter.) After 35 years and 119 editions, our publication has grown to include submissions, from young and old, that run the gamut from poetry to family announcements, from stories of travel/adventure to sharings of everyday milestones. We publish it online and it typically contains 20-plus pages of articles and artwork. Over the years, we siblings have shared the job of editing and publishing the newsletter; this job has recently been assumed by our children — a passing of the family torch.
Family Calendar: My sister, Lisa, loves receiving photographs from all family members. She uses these to produce a calendar that contains a collage of the photos accompanying each month — close to 150 photos in total. All birthdays and anniversaries are noted on the appropriate dates. Each family places an order for the number of calendars desired. I enjoy seeing family faces whenever I check our calendar.
Annual Rock Skipping Tournament: The Wellfleet Rock Skipping Tournament (WRST) is held every summer on Long Pond in Wellfleet, on Cape Cod. Last month was our 26th consecutive competition, where 10-15 “skippers,” ages 5 to 76, vie for three trophies: “The Most Total Skips in 11 Rounds,” “The Most Skips in a Single Toss,” “and the prestigious “Style Award.” (A few past Style winners have included a Playboy Bunny, Wilma and Fred Flintstone, The Rockettes, and a meditating yogi.) The event is held at a wonderful spot, rented for over 40 years by my sister and her husband and it is watched by anywhere between 10 – 20 non-contestants. My brother-in-law (and former attorney) wrote the rule book, which has been amended several times. This event could be replicated by your family on any pond and lake. Let me know if you would like more details.
Holiday Gatherings: This needs little explanation. I’m quite sure most of you find time to spend with loved ones over your favorite family holidays. I will state the obvious: we are not always in the mood to schmooze with Uncle Know-It-All or with Fearful Aunt WorryPuss. My advice: clear your mind and remember that a few hours of tolerance each year is well worth family harmony.
No, Dear Reader, I am neither a family therapist nor a marriage counselor. But in my 50 years as an elementary school teacher, I have conferenced over 1,000 times with parents and caregivers. And from these conferences, I learned a simple truth: healthy seeds grow in strong cultures.
It is so easy these days to stay connected. I highly recommend it.
Gene Stamell often hosts his children and grandkids in Leverett. He can be reached at gstamell@gmail.com.