Turners Falls, MA – Havi Stander flew the coop gently in the wee hours of June 16th 2026, just shy of her 96th birthday. Born to Riza and Avrohom Pollak, she was pre-deceased by her ten siblings: Sarah, Moshe, Chaim, Leah, Rachel, Esther, Hannah, Judy, Milly, and Yanki. Their chewing gum is still stuck underneath the dining room table. May their memory be for a blessing.
Raised in an Orthodox Jewish home, until 5th grade Havi attended Bais Rochel, the first Brooklyn yeshiva for girls. When she discovered the Shakespeare room in the public library (Williamsburg branch), her thoughts flowed freely and the world became her oyster. She met her husband, Richard Stander, when he walked into a City College night class whistling Bach. They were married in Jerusalem in 1953 while working with orphaned refugee children, returned to the States, had kids, and divorced amicably in 1977. She shared 37 years with her second partner, Bob Farrar.
Fluent in Hungarian, Yiddish, English and Hebrew, Havi was a Bank Street trained early childhood educator. Her first kindergarten, seven kids in a hallway, was followed by lively preschool classrooms in Queens, New Jersey and Connecticut. She was the originator and director of Community Action Family Daycare in Northampton MA and went on to direct the Child Study Center at Simmons College in Boston and taught at Wheelock College. She ended her career directing early childhood programs at the Newton Community Service Center where she unionized her own staff. When Rep. Barney Frank held a ‘coming out’ press conference in 1987 she welcomed him to her auditorium and set up the chairs. In retirement Havi trained immigrant women to be family daycare providers, was a nursing home ombudsperson, a parenting support group leader with incarcerated women, and occasionally a bar/bat mitzvah coach. In her 90’s she volunteered with daycare kids at the YMCA in Greenfield MA.
Havi was a wise woman and outspoken human rights activist; anti war, anti fascist, anti racist. Ally to people of color, immigrants, incarcerated people, Queer folx, and in support of every human being’s dignity. She’d raise a fist, shout a chant, hold a sign, march and march again; for peace, equal rights, and justice. Her house was a sanctuary for the weary hearted. She encouraged, fed, and sheltered many. She liked to write poems on scraps of paper.
Ever intrepid, Havi died of old age just as she had lived: in peace and with self-determination. She is survived by her two kids, Joseph and Dina Stander (Stephen Bannasch), their children Grace, Micah (Katie Jane Herron), Rebecca, and Eliza, her celebrated great granddaughters Arwen and Millie, and many nieces and nephews. May remembering her always be a blessing in the day.
A memorial service is planned for June 28th, 4:00pm at Temple Israel, Greenfield MA. In lieu of flowers please send donations to Hospice of the Fisher Home or the Rosenberg Fund for Children.
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