’Twas the night before the 2021 presidential elector vote certification, when all through the White House
Nixon’s Ghost was scurrying, and it frightened a mouse;
“Stop the Steal” plans were hung in the Oval Office with care,
In hopes that the Liar in Chief soon would be there;
Some Republican state legislators, 100 Republican U.S Congress members and U.S. Senators, too, were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of “Stop the Steal” schemes looped in their heads;
The Proud Boys, Oath Keepers,
And the Liar in Chief’s supporters too
Had just settled into their hotel rooms;
When at the front of the White House there arose such a clatter,
that Secret Service agents sprang to see what was the matter;
Away to the windows, White House staff flew like a flash,
Flung open the drapes and stood aghast;
The waning moon’s illumination, obscured by clouds,
Made it difficult to see what the commotion was all about;
When what to their curious eyes should appear,
But a stretch limo from the Willard Hotel
With 10 occupants in very good cheer,
With a blonde female middle-aged driver, venting her spleen,
In hazy moon light, it looked like Marjorie Taylor Greene,
More rapid than bats flying out of a cave,
From out of the limo, the Liar in Chief’s lackeys came;
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name,
“Now, Rudolph! Now Bannon! Now, Navarro! Now, Clark!
Now, Roger And Jordon!
On, Perry! On Flynn! On, Meadows! And Eastman!
To the top of the White House Portico!
To the top of the Capitol Rotunda walls!”
As 59 failed filings of election fraud
Before state and federal courts, and SCOTUS fly,
When they met with the Rule of Law, and mount to the sky,
So off to the Oval Office the courtiers they flew,
With their final plans for the Liar in Chief to review.
And then, they heard a door squeak
And the Liar in Chief entered the Oval Office looking very neat.
He was dressed in a black suit, with a red colored tie,
And his smile was quite sly;
The words he delivered like barker making his pitch
“Stop the steal any way you can!” was his kitsch.
His eyes-how squinty! His hair so transfixed
With an orange hue that couldn’t be missed,
Then he noticed the plans on the Oval Office walls,
And his eyes opened wide as he thought with delight,
“I’ll remain president for another 1,475 nights!”
Suddenly, there was silence
As the Oval Office filled with a mist,
And ghosts of dead presidents stood in their midst,
Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Lincoln, Grant and FDR too,
Shook their heads, and in one loud voice said, “Shame on all of you!
We fought so our Constitution and Democracy would be secure.
We won’t let you destroy it so Your ego can be assured.
Your scheming and plotting with members of Congress will fail.
For the Veep spoke with Dan Quayle,
Who told him ‘You have no flexibility on this. Zero. Put it away.’
So, know that as sure as tomorrow will come,
your plot it will fail after a temporary delay.”
Then Lincoln gave a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
And, Ghosts disappeared,
Leaving those in the room with a feeling of dread.
Then, the “Liar in Chief” said,
“Don’t believe that fake news!
We’ve got Ted Cruz.
I’ll tell my supporters “We’ll walk down [to the Capitol] and I’ll be there with you.”
After that they’ll know what to do,
They will stop this election fraud,
They’ll put so much pressure on Mike, he’ll no longer be overwrought,
He’ll reject enough Electors’ votes enough to change,
So that everything will remain the same.”
The courtiers departed and the Liar in Chief went to bed,
Believing he had nothing to dread,
He quickly drifted off to sleep so he did not hear,
The Ghost of the Future whispering in his ear,
“Your unlawful efforts will fail
Causing many lives to derail,
Eventually the right-wing militia members and your supporters,
Who breached the Capitol and ransacked its halls
Will find themselves paying fines,
On probation or surrounded by prison walls.
Know this, Democracy and the Rule of Law will prevail,
And certification of a new president who is not you
Will be your plan’s final coffin nail,
Your and your plotters’ time for reckoning will come,
When a Jan. 6 Congressional Committee reveals
What you and they have done.”
Robert W. Kubacki lives in Greenfield.