Sunday is the big day, and it is once again time for “Santa Collins” to hand out a few presents to a few of the “political sugar plums” who’ve been dancing in our heads over the course of the last year.
For Greenfield Town Council Vice-President Isaac Mass, a brand new argyle sweater to hide the figurative bulls-eye he’s going to have on his back the next time his name appears on a ballot.
For Gov. Charlie Baker, the same thing.
For outgoing Greenfield School Committee Chairman Tim Farrell, a new briefcase for his Baystate Health Systems board of directors’ meetings, along with the sincere hope that all this extra work he’s doing doesn’t land him in one of his own hospitals.
For Greenfield Mayor Bill Martin, a few million more in “free cash,” and a better explanation for how it’s used so his constituents don’t think they re being overtaxed.
For Greenfield Town Councilor William Childs, a few colleagues who share his desire to overturn the town’s new “accessory dwelling ordinance,” which he clearly feels is in violation of a lot of building rules and ordinances that have been in place for years.
For Councilor Karen Renaud, a speedy recovery for her injured wife Julie, and a swift return to the arena, where her voice has clearly been missed.
For Councilor Penny Ricketts, a new hazmat suit for all of those Brownfields sites she’ll soon be visiting as part of her new statewide duties
For the Deerfield Selectboard, a town administrator with a thick skin willing to work for short money.
For the Greenfield Democratic Town Committee, a slate of candidates capable of achieving its ultimate post-Trump goal of wresting control of Greenfield town government.
For new state Sen. Adam Hinds, a new four-wheel drive vehicle and a lot of Dunkin Donuts coffee, both of which he will desperately need as he navigates the largest Senate district in the civilized world.
For his predecessor Benjamin Downing, a new safe to put all that moolah he’ll be making from his new job in the dreaded private sector.
For state Rep. Stephen Kulik, an invitation to former Gov. Deval Patrick’s next Christmas party, which is probably the only way he’s going to get one.
For his colleague Paul Mark, the now-vacant chairmanship of the Legislature’s Committee on Higher Education — a gift I’m guessing Greenfield Community College President Bob Pura also wouldn’t mind seeing under his tree.
For state Senate President Stan Rosenberg, a 25-year-old leather-bound dictionary with the words “respect,” ‘will” and “voters” brightly underlined, preferably in green.
For Greenfield School Superintendent Jordana Harper, a new Snuggie for lovely baby Rose, and a special education plan which doesn’t blow any more gaping mid-year holes in her operating budget.
For Turners Falls High School football coach Chris Lapointe, a new email Spam filter and many more years on the Turners sidelines.
And for the Gill-Montague Regional School Committee which will eventually decide the matter, a replacement Turners High mascot that is palatable to all parties involved, which I’m guessing will be tougher to find than one of those “Hatchimal” toys.
For Linda Dunlavy and the Franklin County Chamber of Commerce board of directors, a chamber president with even a fraction of the connections, institutional memory, and community-mindedness of the retiring Ann Hamilton. Again, not an easy get.
For the 50 percent of Americans who chose not to vote in last month’s election, a big, shiny mirror in case they ever get the urge to complain about what happens over the next four years.
And for those who did vote and saw their candidate win the popular vote but lose the Electoral College, a way to make peace with seeing Donald Trump living in the White House, although that’s one gift that’s probably going to be harder to come by than any other this year.
Feliz Navidad.
Chris Collins, who worked in local radio in a number of capacities, has observed political life in Franklin County for years. He also is a former staff reporter for The Recorder and a Greenfield native.