I emailed former President Donald Trump saying while I was no fan of his, I would appreciate an opportunity to sit down with him to explore our differences, hoping that publishing the results of our conversation might help polarized Americans understand one another. He invited me to Arkham-a-Lago to interview him over four evenings.

We dedicated an hour each evening to a specific topic. Our first topic was the Middle East.

“The Middle East is very big,” he said. “A lot of acres there in the Middle East. More acres than all my golf courses combined into one country. Which I would be the leader of, you know, President-for-Life of Trump Golfland. It would be a very beautiful country. Only for white people, of course. We would probably have to take over Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona for it. The Middle East would hate that Trump Golfland was so big and glorious. It would put the Middle East to shame. Golf, oil, and white people. It would be so beautiful.”

Smiling at the thought, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

The second night we discussed religion. “Christianity is very big,” Trump told me.

“There is a lot to like about Christianity. It’s a very beautiful religion, not like all those other religions that they don’t have in places like Iowa and Mississippi. Christians have one God, you know. I think the Jews stole the idea from them. He’s the God-for-Life, like I’d be President-for-Life in Trump Golfland. He’s such a beautiful God. Of course, God isn’t his name, according to my religious adviser, Jerry Falwell Jr. God has a name but forbids people to use it.”

Stroking his chins, he looked into the distance for 30 minutes before he spoke again. “It’s Alan, or Kevin, maybe Eli, but not God. They tell me that God’s a word. The others are names.” He looked back at me and said, “Bob. I think God’s name is Bob.”

The third evening, we discussed medicine. “Medicine is very big. My medical adviser tells me that Marjorie Taylor Geene and Lauren Boebert both have doctors. Everybody should go to a doctor, but only if they can afford it, of course. Some doctors are very beautiful. I could shoot an ugly doctor in downtown Miami and nothing would happen to me. I would find another doctor if I needed one. I’m so rich that I could buy my own doctor with his own hospital. It would be a very beautiful hospital. I’d name it Trump Hospital and move it to Trump Golfland so I wouldn’t have to pay taxes on it.”

Guns were the subject of our fourth meeting.

The former president had just said, “Guns are very big and beautiful. Every fetus should be given a gun at the moment of conception so they can shoot abortionists who want to kill them.” He then asked, “Do you remember how in the old cowboy movies the baddies would make the good guys dance by shooting at their feet? I love dancing, you know. Did you see me dancing at my rally, just dancing? It was a very beautiful dance as I am the best dancer in the world. Fred Astaire said that. And Gene Kelly, too. Gene said I was like a god on the dance floor. I miss Lawrence Welk. I could dance to his music all night long.”

Picking his nose with the pinky finger of his left hand, the former president said he was hungry, called off any further discussions and ordered seven Big Macs.

Wilson Roberts lives in Shelburne.