Grievance devours grief. Grievance is fueled by revenge. By seeking retaliation, we enact blame and protest a sense of victimhood. Instead of allowing the internal pain from loss — sadness, anger, woe, hurt, numbness — we attempt to externalize these feelings through actions, rituals and complaint.

Grief is loss; it can be on one level loss of someone or something personally dear and may include bigger issues like a way the social order has failed us. Mourning is more internal and gets resolved within, sometimes with the help of others or community.

Grievance is part of human nature and can provide temporary relief. It can lead to social change and a sense of power when channeled constructively. It can, however, lead to violence and retaliation especially when there has been a breakdown of trust. We are seeking a way to resolve and express the natural rage and outrage of our losses.

Current grief can be amplified by past memories in our lives. When we move beyond personal experience, we see that literature is filled with stories of grief and grievance. Hamlet avenging his father, Orestes also avenging a father, both consuming the avenger and the avenged; Medea’s revenge for being abandoned. Plays about vengeance leading to forgiveness and reconciliation — think Shakespeare’s Tempest, Powers’ Overstory where loss motivates environmental activism.

Frank Bruni in his book on “The Age of Grievance” and in other op-ed pieces reminds us that grievance is not necessarily bad and can be “an engine of morally urgent change.” But, in the extreme it can produce violence like the January 6 attack in Washington.

He also outlines how current leaders portray Americans as having been made to feel like chumps. Through exaggerations and lies, they create a sense that MAGA identified people have been duped, encouraging revenge for having been scammed by liberals and that the leaders and oligarchs and the government reactionary policies are the antidote to feeling like victims.

As an alternative to vengeful grievance, restorative justice and other heroic efforts at forgiveness provide alternatives to the vicious cycle of harm and harming. It takes lots of support and strength to arrive at genuine forgiveness and moving on. How can we in these extremely polarized times move from vengeful grieving to accepting loss and mourning that produces forgiveness, empathy and positive actions?

Bill Feinstein, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist living in Ashfield.