Giving thanks is a personal and intimate decision. There is no formula to follow or equation to guide any of us. I cannot dictate to anyone why or for whom they should feel and express gratitude, and no one can advise me as to what I should be thankful for. The offering of appreciation is far more than a quid pro quo. For me, it includes thanking my fellow beings for what they may have done or said that involves something that has bettered my life or circumstances and those of others.

This is a special time of year for some to give gratitude to others. I strive to feel appreciation for others throughout the year. As such, I make ongoing efforts to express this sentiment in ways that others will find meaningful and supportive. Being conscientious and taking time to prepare and share my appreciations to others is an all-the-time thing. Concurrently, I hold sadness and grief for those who cannot express gratitude or have less to feel grateful for.

For me, thankfulness comes down to two basic elements: mindfulness and kindfulness. I see the potential for goodness in everyone: most of us are capable of doing things that demonstrate empathy and the desire to help. Even in seemingly impossible situations, I have directly experienced and indirectly observed people doing things for others. In these circumstances, I have felt my heart melt and have found hope when I thought there was little to be had. I feel tremendous gratitude to everyone who has contributed to the betterment of humanity and the environment.

“Thank you” is about more than what others do for or say to me — I would find that limiting and even narcissistic. I expand the scope of what giving thanks means by including the goodness that others express in the world to achieve greater wholeness or equanimity, whether it affects me directly or not. Sharing these words of appreciation is my way of owning that I “see” and “hear” them even when they are not looking at or speaking to me. It’s a far bigger picture than that. Opening the “thank you lens” in this way enables me to recognize the plethora of ways that we can contribute to the cause of bettering others’ lives and the world-writ-large.

All of this comes full circle, and has me asking of myself, “For what should I be thankful?” One way of responding is to offer a laundry list of people — friends, colleagues, family members, neighbors — who have done good. More broadly, I could offer thanks to those both known and unknown to me for the good works and goodness they have brought into the world for the benefit of one, some, or many others. From another angle, I could list the things I have done for myself and/or others and share my gratitude about them. Those are starting points, but my goal here is to dig deeper, and to see what’s there.

A word (or several) on the two components of gratitude I shared earlier here: mindfulness and kindfulnes.

Mindfulness: Offering gratitude is about doing so consciously and conscientiously, with care and thought, and full presence. Mindfulness enables me to share thanks with authenticity, in connection with another or others. When I offer gratitude, it is given freely and fully — no conditions, no quid pro quo — just a sincere and meaningful appreciation.

Kindfulness: More than merely a thank you for what another has said and/or done, my gratitude comes from my heart, not my head. I think in advance to frame it in such a way that it may be received with the same joy that comes to me when I first came to know that gratitude is what needs to be given.

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To what and to whom I offer my thanks and gratitude on this day and all other days:

… to my body for maintaining its full health as I age. Aging is inevitable, health is not.

… to my wife and my families for wisdom, empathy, and love.

… to my community for providing safety, refuge, and opportunities for growth and connection.

… to all my colleagues and peers where I volunteer my time and energy for offering support, care, and welcome.

… to our political and local leaders in all spheres for continuously holding our many needs in the light and moving toward bringing good things to fruition while serving as productive and positive change-agents and role models.

… to my faith-based affiliations for providing me with the guidance I need to deepen my practices and share them out with care.

… to the members of our community whose diligent work and determination matters deeply.

… to those who hold differing opinions and perspectives than I do for welcoming our differences, for listening, and for allowing me to seek to understand their “come-from” places.

… to my professional colleagues for supporting my work and outreach, and helping to stretch me in so many ways.

… to the beauty, fragility, and continuity of our shared land, environment, and the natural world enabling us to engage in our surroundings safely and securely.

… to our children who represent hope for the present and future.

… to our pets and the animal world for building mutual and loving relationships.

… to the world for music, dance, poetry, and the arts for simply existing, challenging, and calming despite tough times.

… and finally, to all the hearts, minds, and spirits of neighbors, near and far, who serve to strengthen all that is most important in our one life.

Daniel Cantor Yalowitz writes a regular column in the Recorder. A developmental and intercultural psychologist, he has facilitated change in many organizations and communities around the world. His two most recent books are “Journeying with Your Archetypes” and “Reflections on the Nature of Friendship.” Reach out to him at danielcyalowitz@gmail.com.